The hardest thing about leadership is the public face.
When I'm down or discouraged or outright depressed I don't think there is a place where I can show it. At work I have to be a force of nature - cheery optimism is so crucial - my boss calls it the confident shrug. At home, when I am down it shakes everyone because I have so many things that are crucial to everyone's happiness and they have been so let down by so many others.
And so much of what sends me down is small and silly. I so miss having a Great Dane around I can't speak to it but there is simply no way I can have one again. It would be unfair and cruel to inflict one on my wife when she lacks the strength to manage one since she would be the person who spent the most time with it. I can't spend the kind of time with one I need to and a dog that size doesn't fit into my life anymore. I love our little hounds...but they just lack the presence of the big guys I enjoyed so much. I look at Dane stuff and I get sad. I see Danes and I am near tears. And I know that makes ME the person who sucks.
And I don't stay down but I do downcycle a lot. And all I can do is put the public face on and wait for those moments when I can be alone with the black dog.
2 comments:
...I'm a total stranger, but would you mind shooting me an email about what helps you with depression?
My beloved boyfriend/best friend/love of my life has depression (as do both of his parents)--and it's been one steady drop for more than two years now.
How does your partner help? How can your partner help?
I just feel so lost and helpless.
Thank you.
essayforth@gmail.com
I do a few things. I recognize it as waves - natural cycles that come in like the tides and pass through. So I know I'll feel better the next day or hour or whatever.
Sometimes I let myself listen to music that is down until it starts to annoy me and sound whiney.
I keep a poster of the verse in Corinthians that says "Love is patient, love is kind..." nearby in the place I usually go when I'm really down.
I did get help once. I talked through things with a professional for a few months until he said I didn't need to anymore. I was on medication a couple of times.
I don't think others help much with depression. I think it's a thing that happens in your own head...and you have to sort of let it flow through you and come out the other end alone. No external thing "cheers me up" because no external thing brings me down. It's the reactions in my own brain to normal stuff...
The best thing you can do for your boyfriend is to make it safe to get help. To not treat the chemical imbalance in his brain as a failure of him as a man - but as some sort of injury that needs treatment just like if he broke his leg. To make it safe for him to get help without being mocked. And to know you're going to be there when he's done.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Post a Comment