My wife just asked if we could go take the kids out to dinner. And I said no, we couldn’t afford it.
And now I am suddenly in the black dog’s clutches. Over a little thing. Money is tight and I’m trying to be conservative but we can pay the rent and all. It kills me to say no. I hate letting everyone down. And I know that’s stupid. But it makes me feel like a failure when I can’t say yes.
I am sure that I am unworthy and inadequate compared to my peers and friends.
I know that the whole “I’m a fraud” line of thinking is something common and something we all have to wrestle with. But I see people who have really done amazing things all the time and I think of how little I have really done.
For example, I have a college buddy who is about the funniest guy I know. He’s active in so many things and he complimented me when I joined the Knights and advised me to try to reach the fourth degree. Because he is already there of course. He got his law degree and actually practiced. He has the same political convictions as I do, but he is active and well-regarded in the party. We have walked the same path but I have sat apart, skimmed the surface and not really done much. He has dived in and been the kind of man we should all aspire to.
I’m such a fricken dilettante.
